Cult Leader Admits His Midnight Mass Was a Prank

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Shot of the preacher standing in the church and wearing a black hoodie.
The preacher in the black hoodie in the building. Photo by The Monkey Times.

LOUISIANA — In the southern US, in the small town of St Petersville, the cult of The Witnesses of Global Warming is gaining popularity. The leader of the cult, Michael Revendigez, or as the parishioners call him Shepherd Abel, known for his strange rites and rituals, announced that the cult and its midnight masses were just a prank. But the parishioners, who have come to believe that their leader has supernatural powers, refuse to believe this truth and demand more sermons.

“How can this be?” some of them ask. “If he does not have supernatural powers, how could he know all our sins and problems? How could he give us such accurate advice and predictions? He foresaw floods and storms. There is only one answer – he was forced to say that it was all fiction. Government and corporations playing their game, but we won’t give up.”

Moreover, some of the parishioners even began to doubt that their cult leader was even human. They began whispering mysteriously that he might be a supernatural being or even a demon that had infiltrated our world from the world of the deity Plump [more on Plump below].

According to our information, the pastor Abel plans to hold several more events where he will prove that this cult is just a prank. Clearly, Michael Revendigez is beginning to feel uncomfortable when he sees how seriously his parishioners take this prank. But things seem to have taken a serious turn.

Brief description of the cult The Witnesses of Global Warming

The main deity of worship is called “Plump” by the cultists. Members of the cult believe that global warming is the manifestation of the rage of Plump, which is considered the god of punishment for the sins of mankind. The cultists perform rites and meditations to appease the Plump and ward off its wrath.

During the rituals, it is mandatory to read the cult’s manifesto, which describes what actions can be taken to combat global warming. The manifesto, which is essentially a Bible replacement for parishioners, describes how important it is to move away from cars and switch to environmentally friendly public transport, how to plant more trees and reduce emissions, and so on. Cultists in their faith are somewhat reminiscent of the neo-Luddite movement – a group of people who preach a rejection of the use of modern technology and a return to a simple lifestyle. They believe that technological progress only worsens people’s lives and moves them away from real values. At the same time, the cult of The Witnesses of Global Warming is gradually radicalizing, has a religious basis and goes beyond a simple rejection of the benefits of civilization.

The parishioners at the “Sacrifice to Plump” ritual. Photo by The Monkey Times.

One of the main rituals of the cult is the “Sacrifice to Plump”. In this rite, cult members perform a sacrifice in honor of the Plump, and more recently have begun to make pilgrimages to remote parts of the world where global warming is particularly damaging, and perform a sacrifice in honor of the Plump there. One of the rites is the burning of images of people believed to be responsible for climate change.

The cultists also use meditation and trance techniques to get in touch with the Plump and receive guidance and direction from it, guided by Shepherd Abel. They are convinced that only by following the command of Plump can one avoid his wrath and achieve the favor of the deity and stop global warming.

Does this cult dangerous?

The Global Warming Witness cultists who follow this dark cult can be dangerous and fanatical, as they will go to any lengths to protect their faith and please their god.

The preacher in the hoodie standing in the church.
The preacher in the hoodie. Photo by The Monkey Times.

Cultists claim that technology and media are being used by the government and elites to control and manipulate society, and advocate the use of violence to destroy the global warming system.

Cult members are physically trained and prepared for action, believing that violent behavior is the only way to stop warming. Their actions in the near future may include actions directed against the State, large corporations and their representatives.

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The editorial board comprises opinion journalists who draw on their expertise, research, debates, and longstanding values to form their views. It operates independently from the newsroom.

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